I tried to be good. I really did. I tried really hard to look at all of the photos he'd taken and not hate something about myself. But if I'm honest with myself (which is the point of all of this) it didn't happen most of the time. In most of the photos he showed me, I thought "God, my hips are enormous," or "I wish my face wasn't so chubby," and I got angry with myself. That's why I'm posting.
Why can I look at a picture of Ashley Graham and say "She is so sexy!" and look at the reflection of a girl with her same measurements and think "She's disgusting." I know that the ads with Ashley and the other LB girls are Photoshopped and airbrushed all over the place, but that's not the point. The point isn't what I see in them, it's what I don't see in myself.
So badly I want to look at myself and say "Hi, pretty girl--lookin' good today!" But even when I try it, the words sound hollow and fake and vain. Feeling vain is probably the worst because it's not even real vanity!
But I did try something new today while I was looking at those photos. I tried to look at things other than the parts of myself I wished I could change. I looked at my eyes and my hair and once I even thought, "Look at how happy we look," before I started crticizing my appearance.
It didn't really feel like progress, but it didn't feel quite like self-loathing either. So that's...good, right?
But, so as not to leave you so pensive on a Sunday night, I will leave you with this gem I stumbled upon while Googling "cute couple poses" (again, I ask that you do not judge me for what I end up finding online.)
Anyone have a suitable caption? I'm coming up blank. BUT, since I wish to leave you neither pensive, nor emotionally scarred (as this woman's child will undoubtably be when they find this photo later in life) here is one of the photos the boyf and I took today. Actually, this is my favorite.
Cheers, everyone! Happy Sunday!
Emily.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful. You are intelligent, gorgeous and amazing. Your pictures are adorable in every sense of the word. Please don't doubt yourself.
Love,
Kate
P.S. don't look at the blog linked to this comment, it's been defunct for years.
♥ It is a shame your blog is defunct. I would love to read about your cooking adventures. And thank you.
ReplyDeletePotential caption: 6th Backstreet Boy Adam and his preggo gf Eve seek like-minded couple for fun in the bedroom, jungle-theme requested.
ReplyDeleteor
Tired of boring old couple photos? Don't see the point of traditional elements like a plain backdrop or clothing, for instance, in your precious family heirlooms?
And I love that picture of you two. If a picture could be the signifier of something as ethereal and intangible as true love, well, that picture would be it.
I've seen the couples picture before, and my first thoughts when I saw it were:
ReplyDelete"Oh my gosh! Aaron Cartor had a baby with his high school girlfriend!"
So I suppose I agree with the BSB caption. ;o)
The picture of your and Jer is so cute, and so REAL. That's what I love about you dating a photographer... he makes you show the things you love in the pictures he takes of you, and you always look gorgeous, because he captures you in your happy moments! :o) Don't ever forget how beautiful you are, seriously!
-Ducko