THIS IS NOT A DIET. I REPEAT: THIS IS NOT A DIET.
You know why? Because diets don't work. They don't. What's that, you say? Your cousin lost 36lbs in a month by eating nothing but steak and peanut oil? That's nice. Ask her what happens when she gives in and eats a crouton and gains 45lbs overnight.
That being said, I've joined sparkpeople.com. If you're not familiar with the site, I recommend you go over and check it out--it's full of nifty tools and like-minded people and (best of all!) it's free. Yep, you heard me. 100% free to the public.
No, it's not a diet (weren't you listening?!) It's a way for me to easily keep track of what I eat and how much activity I get without hauling around a notebook and losing track of keeping journal entries. The nutrition tracker is super easy to use; after you enter in all of your specifics (height, weight, goals, etc.) it gives you a target number of calories, fat, protein, and carbs to stay within for the day. You log the foods you eat and it tells you how "on target" you are for the day. Pretty sweet, huh?
So, if I'm blogging about learning to love myself as I am, why did I join this site and set weight loss goals for myself? I will tell you why. Because, despite this lovely blog and its lovely followers, I am not happy with myself. Mostly because I don't really feel as healthy as I once did (probably an indication that I am, in fact, not as healthy as I once was) and want to get back to a point where, if I don't feel like I look good, at least I can say that I feel okay.
So Leslie Sansone and I walk/jogged this morning for a half an hour, I signed up for SparkPeople, and I watched what I ate all day. Not rocket science. Gotta tell you, though, when it comes to wake-up work-out personalities, I'm not Leslie's biggest fan. Yeah, Jillian Michaels gets annoying because she's so intense (and also because her workouts cause my life to flash before my eyes) and yells at the screen with things like "This is you last circuit! DON'T PHONE IT IN! NO REGRETS! LEAVE EVERYTHING IN THIS WORKOUT! LEAVE IT ALL!!!!!" And well...that's a little scary.
But Leslie Sansone is just so damn cheerful! She's giggling her way through her movements and telling me, "Doesn't it feel soooo good to get up and walk this morning?! I'm so glad you joined me and said 'I'm walkin' today!' I just love to hear you say that!"
Leslie, if I were in charge of such things, I would still be in bed, weighing 140lbs and never feeling the urge to pop in your DVD. Sorry, bub, that's just the way it works in my head. I also didn't say "I'm walkin' today" for your benefit. That decision was made on how much time was available for a workout this morning and how much I didn't want to hear Jillian yelling at me. Chill your life and tone down the enthusiasm.
But anyway, my goals aren't astronomical. I want to be a size 14 again--that's all. We've had a long-standing love/hate relationship, me and size 14. When I was a size 14, all I could think about was how close I was to a 12 and how I would be happiest if I could just dip down to a 12 or (gasp) maybe even someday a 10! Size 14 was just an inconvenient, seemingly ENORMOUS roadblock between me and true fashion bliss. *sigh* Oh the innocence of youth. But like with most things, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The longer we've spent apart the more I've come to realize that it's the size at which I'm the most comfortable, and the size I was when I came the closest to really enjoying the way I looked.
Rereading what I just wrote, it looks like I'm missing the point of my own blog, doesn't it? I don't think that's the case (though please feel free, gentle readers, to call me out on this one.) There is a vague hope that if I can get back to size 14 and still impress myself by reaching a personal goal or two, it may do wonders for my self-loathing body image issues.
Call it a baby step toward loving all of me all the time.
substitutions are an awesome way to not deprive yourself of something you want, but make it a better decision. also, if you're food supply is completely up to you, don't even buy things that aren't worth the calories. i know when i buy a bag of chips/package of cookies/bag of chocolates, that i'm pretty much consenting to eat the whole thing in 1-2 sittings, so i usually just do not at all. if the craving hits, i'll get one individual size. not the most cost-effective, but to me it's more worth it than the mental/physical price.
ReplyDeleteexercise is key. not so much getting addicted to the exercise itself, but addicted to your results and feeling good. 20 mins of jog/sprint/walk is FAR better than 40mins of steady elliptical time with a magazine, or even at a pretty moderate effort. weights are crucial with a focused regimen. they can be any weight you are comfortable with, but you should challenge yourself a bit. the small spike in bulk that you may or may not even experience is totally worth the idle burning that the weight/resistance training provides, as well as becoming solid vs. squish. for me, personally, it's the difference of knowing that if my arms got stuck in a shirt i'm trying on, it's because i'm beastly, not big haha.
all in all, it's a difficult lifestyle adjustment, and at times, literally HAVING to get to the gym 4-5 times a week frankly sucks, but if you really want it, it's completely worth it. it's definitely consideration for everything you consume for a long period of time and then once you get to your goal make allowances such as going out to eat twice a week and getting a huge plate of whatever you want, drinks, appetizers, etc. but only twice a week, so then you have something to look forward to and aren't completely depriving yourself and risking falling off the wagon.
i hope that this is helpful and wish you success. feel free to post a reply if you have any questions or want advice/support :)
Emily...I love that you posted this. As you well know I also struggle with my weight. One thing I have found living on the other side of the world is that food in the US SUCKS!!! There are way less preservatives here and I love walking down the street and seeing all the fruit and veggie venders...and knowing they really are fresh.
ReplyDeleteI have become bestfriends with my workout ball. making sure that I do a workout in my apartment everyday along with the walk I take to and from work everyday.
Anyway...i agree with you. I dont want to be skinny by any means. I would LOVE to get back down to a size 14. I was a 20 when I left the US...im now down to 16. The prospect is there. It's funny though, I know im getting smaller, but the picture in the mirror stays the same size.
That being said, you are beautiful! Don't forget that. =D Miss you!!!
Your posts do something very few things can: leave me speechless and confused (in a good way). I mean, no one said this blog was going to be warm, fuzzy, or full of easy answers and I love that you're following through with your promise to challenge perception.
ReplyDeleteAs I sit here with my mint chocolate chip icecream (which is metaphorical only in that it's still in the freezer and not literally in my hands right now), I am once again struck by how damn DIFFICULT our culture makes it on women. The message of pretty much commercial break during prime time television goes something like this: "You need to be sexier, skinnier, prettier - THIS is what you've been waiting for, THIS will make your legs tan, your butt toned, your hair shiny, look how delicious this burrito from Taco Bell looks, buy this weight loss pill, eat at KFC, work out on your period with our new pill that prevents bloating, enjoy Dove chocolate, be a domestic goddess with our new washing machine and swiffer mop and super elegant mini-van, be sexy, be career-minded, take care of your children, eat this, don't eat this, curl your hair, straighten your hair, perfume your body, eat THIS, eat, shop, eat, shop, eat, shop, EAT, SHOP. And now back to the show!" It's an exhausting, impossible ideal.
No wisdom here, only more questions. I love you!
this blog is incredibly inspiring, and Im considering beginning one of my own that explores the daily struggles I endure, be it anxiety, stress, depression, body-image issues, or whatnot. I think half of the obstacle is to admit to yourself how youre feeling and find a supporting team to help walk you through your hardships. Ive always thought you were a beautiful woman, and maybe I shouldve told you that more. youre intellectual, inspiring, and original. hold fast to those facts when youre struggling with this demon. it, too, shall pass. and you shall get that pretty butt of yours into a 14 again. you got this on lock, girl! =)
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